I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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