My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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