he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
