Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
