Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
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Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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