He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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