i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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