Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
