Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
