dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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