i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
