Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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