does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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