oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
