Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Sorry about my life...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
