Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
operation harelip BJ is a go
Operation Purity has been aborted
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
