I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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