that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
