The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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