no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
