i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
