When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
