he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
