I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
