Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
