Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
