got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
