At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
