You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
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I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
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I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
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