i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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