he wants to bone in the snuggie
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
