So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
