i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
