I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i out mim tonsoeep
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
