Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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