My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
