Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
