I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
