i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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