is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
