Umm I'm too high to move.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
