i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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