ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I licked your asshole in confidence.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize