I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
