I want to walk on stilts...naked
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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