Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
