im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
