i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
