i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
zippers are such a cool invention
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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