The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
