it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
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