apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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