We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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