Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
