dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
