So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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