doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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