Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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