I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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