Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
