I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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