im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
