take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
