Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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