How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I just want to make out with him forever
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
