I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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