i think my mom watched the whole time
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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