I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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