Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
