These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
